Monday, March 7, 2011

Monday Moans

There's this man I love. Well, actually, there's two. I know it sounds crazy. I mean, some women can't even find one man to love without care. So I should feel lucky. Right?

And yet... I'm torn.

Good thing I can put the pain into song. My name is Juniper Binder. I sing and play piano and organ for the rock band Razrs Edge. Did I mention I co-write the songs, too? I do.

Are you wondering about the men in my life? I thought you might be. Both men are my bandmates. Well, they were. Jacoby is still in my life. He's my husband. I love him with all my heart. I mean, he's the man who makes me shine and understand what I need. He's the drummer and yeah, he's really good with his hands.

And then there's Parkur. Oh, man. He's the tough one. I was with Parkur first. Now don't get yoru britches in a bunch. I didn't cheat on him with Jacoby. Nothing like that. Parkur and I started Razrs Edge in high school. We needed something to do that was a little more constructive than having sex all day. Yes, we were horny as hell. After school, we took our little two piece band to the bright shiny lights of LA. We got a contract, but it didn't go anywhere. And then we met Jacoby. Funny thing, it was Parkur that cheated on me with Jacoby. I mean, duh, I knew he was gay. Hell, I'd pick out boyfriends for him. For a while there I thought Parkur wouldn't need me--in life or in the band. But when we pooled our resources and went with the mutual attraction, we realized three really was our magic number.

It was bliss.

Now you're wondering why we aren't together. I'm not totally sure what happened, other than Parkur said he wanted to move on. He wanted a wife and a family--not a girlfriend and a boyfriend. That revelation damned near killed me. It was hard as hell on Jacoby, too. Thank God we had each other to lean on. Probably why we decided to get married. We had each other and we had the music. But you ask Jacoby and he'll...probably grunt and grimmace and walk away. On the inside, he's hurting. I'm his wife, yes, but I'm not the only person he wants.

And it hurts.

I want Jacoby to want me and I want Parkur to be there. I want my husband and his gay lover.

How fucked up is that?

*****Sigh***** Now that I've surely bored you to tears... I'll close. Thanks for letting me rant.

Rock on.

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