Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Caption This!


It's week two of Caption This. Are you having fun? I am. Here's week two's picture! 


"Guy under shower" by Ordinary Guy (O.G.) - Flickr. Licensed under CC BY 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons.

Leave your captions in the comments along with your email addy. You never know when I might pick a winner from the captions!

Sunday, August 24, 2014

Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback - Preseason, Week Three


This week has been hard for Cleveland area teams. First, the Gladiators, the arena football team, blew the Arena Football version of the Super Bowl...in Cleveland. The Browns showed why they've been nicknamed the Clowns in the past. Sigh. At least the Indians won their games.

But this is about football. Grin. The Bengals aren't playing until the late game, so as of this posting I don't know the score. I'm watching, but I don't know the end score. 

While I'm watching, I'll present the Honorable Mentions.

"Some penetration into the back end."
Code phrase for anal sex.

"Delivers the blow."
That's the one on his or her knees.

"big back bangs it inside the twenty."
Now we're talking about a gangbang.

"Went right to his partner for Thanksgiving day."
That's sweet. 

Now, it's time for the funnies. I love these. 

"Forced it up into triple coverage."
A fourway! Nice!

"A nice hole up the middle."
Usually the hole is good in the middle.

"he does it as well as I've seen from anyone else."
Now we're critiquing the players. Nice.

"Whole host of new receivers this year."
Sounds like the starting line up for porn.

"Gets some sort of chemistry going."
Awww. Another sweet one.

"Gang tackled and thrown to the ground."
He probably liked it. Kink can be good.

Now for that Doozy of the Week...

"Lays down the wood there."
Either he's taking his dick out or he's playing with a toy. Can we watch?

Thanks for reading the Football Funnies for the week. 
On a sad note, this is the last set of games before the cuts to the roster. Some will persevere, but others will be cut. I'm sorry to see you go, but I'm glad to watch you play. 

Come on, Cincy! Let's win ONE preseason game and spank that season so we can get into the post season and win one there, too!!


Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals
By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0
 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], 
via Wikimedia Commons

Thursday, August 21, 2014

EVERYDAY KINKY CHALLENGE #5 - The Bottle!


Bottles and sex...sex and bottles. How would a bottle be sexy? Hee hee. According to the folks at Everyday Kinky, the bottle above is really sex. So... do you want to read more stories about kink and this bottle? Head on over to Everyday Kinky to read the other stories, but be sure to read mine first. Grin.

Testing Her Limits, Copyright 2014, Wendi Zwaduk

Meg waited for Master James to return. He'd left her alone in the dungeon room. She wasn't worried. He probably had a window she couldn't see and was watching her. The chill in the space wrapped around her. Her nipples beaded and she shivered. The leather cuffs pulled at her wrists and her arms tingled. She'd only been on the cross for five minutes, but the time felt so long.

The door across the room opened and Master James entered the space. He strolled across the dungeon room to where she stood. His suit coat fit his body snuggly, curving around his muscles and showcasing his body. The man liked to be tailored and perfectly pressed. She loved his sense of style and most of all his charm. She hadn't planned on coming to Desire and certainly wouldn't have stayed, if he hadn't been there to hold her hand.

Master James had one hand hidden behind his coat and the other one stuffed into his pants pocket. "Look at me, pet."

When she did, he showed her what he'd hidden--a bottle of Pepsi. He twisted the lid off the bottle. "Thirsty, pet?"

"Yes, sir." She knew better than to thank him yet or to expect him to give her a drink. That was part of their game. He'd test her limits to see if she could handle him.

"Good girl." He tipped the bottle top to her lips, but instead of giving her a drink he slid the cold beverage over her bare body. The sticky liquid caressed her skin and dribbled between her cunt lips. She shivered again and moaned.

Master James pressed his mouth to her breast and sucked. The pull added to her pleasure. She balled her fist in the cuff and wished she could touch him. She wanted to run her fingers through his hair. He raked his teeth over her nipple, then bit.

"Thank you, sir," she cried out.

"Not done yet." He flattened his tongue along the lower swell of her breast, then stood tall. "Now you may have a drink." He held the bottle to her lips.

She gulped down the soda, happy to have something sweet. When she gazed up into his eyes, he smiled.

"I'll keep pushing you, love." He winked. "Just wait and see."







Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Caption This!

I've always loved those caption this challenges on Facebook, so I thought I'd come up with a few for the hump day. Here's week one!


"Nude man with bubbles by Kargaltsev -1" by Sasha Kargaltsev - http://www.flickr.com/photos/kargaltsev/8348356978/. Licensed under Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons - http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Nude_man_with_bubbles_by_Kargaltsev_-1.jpg#mediaviewer/File:Nude_man_with_bubbles_by_Kargaltsev_-1.jpg


Leave your captions in the comments along with your email addy. You never know when I might pick a winner from the captions!

Monday, August 18, 2014

Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback - Preseason, Week 2


Gotta love the preseason. You find out who can play, who can't and who needs a few more games to decide. Sometimes I think the announcers need the same try-outs. 

Here are the honorable mentions from the first week of preseason games:

"Excellent coverage on the back."
Oh, good. He got coverage. I hope it's super strength and super lubed for the back.

"Has trouble covering, but boy he covered that!"
What exactly is he trying to cover and what is he using? A table cloth?

"Kitchen smelled something in the kitchen."
Ah...this one was chosen because it's so bad...so very, very bad.

"Never get through that cleanly unless they want you to."
Oy. Mud wrestling, then sex? Motor oil? Just saying, there should be more details given.

Lastly...

"Bounces it outside."
Ouch. Just...ouch.

And now for this week's funnies!

"Highly touted tight end."
We like the ones that are rated well.

"Covering up the tight end."
Sometimes a little coverage is good. I like a guy who isn't showing everything off. More mystery = sexy.

"Not gonna sit back and let you take advantage."
Nice. Good idea.

"New back under center."
Switching up the positions is always a smart move.

"They'll one-hand it."
Confidence is a great thing.

"Really good job getting it off his hands."
Next time, use more lube!

"Sift it out and beat it--beat the ball."
I'm not even sure what that means or how it's supposed to be done, but it sounds both goofy and painful. Can I have a visual?

The Doozy of the Week... man, this one...yeah...

"They're spreading him out--this guy does everything."
Sounds like a male porn star if I ever heard one.

Those were the funnies. Hope you laughed as much as I did. 
The Bengals put up a good fight during the first half. That second half...well, it wasn't pretty. 26-17 Jets. Ugh. Here's to hoping the first string is worth what they're being paid. Go Bengals!!



Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals
By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0
 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], 
via Wikimedia Commons

Sunday, August 17, 2014

EVERYDAY KINKY CHALLENGE #4

It's that time. The Kinky Challenge Time!! Woo Hoo!! I'm late this week, but I've been busy. Might even get my newsletter sorted out this week. We'll see.

It's time for that challenge. What's the challenge picture?

I'll be the first to say, I've never seen Doctor Who. Sorry. I'm one of those people. I wait til the show is over, cancelled or whatever and THEN I watch it. I'm late to the party. But don't be late to this party. Find the other kinky stories here!

Now about mine.

The Scarf, Copyright 2014, Wendi Zwaduk

He held the box tight in both hands. He'd planned on giving her the gift for over a year, but he had to wait for her to come home. His heart beat a wild tattoo in his chest. He'd even written a letter.

Dear Mandy,

I hope this letter finds you well. These last few months have been terribly lonely. I know you're doing what you need to do and I support you, but I do miss you. I've dreamed of the moment when you come home. 

Enclosed is a simple token of my love for you. I know it's not much, but it's everything to me. I want to see you in this scarf. Watch you squeal with delight when you open the box and press the soft cotton to your face. 

I know you'll come up with ideas for the scarf as well. Not just to keep warm, but other things. A blindfold, perhaps? Or maybe to bind your wrists to the headboard while I lick you until you scream. 

Or maybe you'd like to use it on me. I can almost feel your hands on me while you bind my wrists and ride me.

Sweetheart, I'm counting the days until you return.

Love, 

Steve

He stood in the terminal and watched the others debark from the plane. His girl should be among the passengers. The moment he saw the camouflage, he knew. Mandy. She smiled and ran towards him. She'd worn the scarf around her neck. The colors contrasted against her Army uniform, but he thought she was the sexiest woman in the airport. The miles and months they'd spent apart evaporated. His girl, his soldier, was home.

"You came for me." She wiped tears from her eyes. "I wasn't sure you'd be here."

"I love you, Mandy." He released her. "You wore the scarf."

"It's from you. I had to wear it. I love it."

"Then I hope you love this." He dropped to one knee and opened the box. "Marry me?"

"Yes." She flung herself into his arms.

Applause rang out around them. She'd made him the happiest man alive.

Mandy pressed her mouth to his ear. "Now about that kinky letter. I'm so tying your ass up and riding you like a horse tonight. The scarf will look hot around your dick."

He shivered. His kinky girl knew how to make him hot in an instant. "I wouldn't have it any other way."


Monday, August 11, 2014

Preseason Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback #1


This week we've got funnies from two different preseason games. I didn't get to watch the Patriots and Washington live, but I did see the Browns and Lions live. What a game! I'm not sure if I'm on the Manziel bandwagon, but he did play a good game when he was in. 

So...here are the funnies from those two games, but first the honorable mentions from the Hall of Fame Game!

"Hand over the left side."
Because he's already worn out the right side.

"Follow the fullback and good things happen."
Well, all righty then. Following him.

"Gone to bigger backs this year."
For?  Hope it's worth the hassle.

"Who will be their opening day tight end?"
Sounds like making up the roster for a kink club.

"Likes that hard upper game."
Wonder what upper game he refers to? Spanking? Clit play? Just wondered.

"Good, tight coverage."
Snicker. Tight is good.

And now for those funnies from Preseason week #1

"Someone has to emerge."
For what? Details, please.

"Brings poise to the game."
First thing I thought of was incontinence.

"Works him on the inside and he always him inside."
Sounds fun!

"Bush couldn't bring it in."
Well...then try Dick.

"Just got it off."
Was there a wait?

"Great coverage for the back end."
Rubbers? Or special lube?

"Stuffed that."
Now that sounds like something a guy would say at a bar when he's trying to decide what woman to take home. Yes, it's stereotyping. I admit it, it is.

And now for that storied Doozy of the Week. We're back to the Doozy of the Week since I've got more than one game to pull from. Here it is:

"Rolling right and fires way down the field."
He's got power behind that shot. Nice. Bet he makes a big mess when he fires.

The Bengals didn't win the first preseason game, but it was close...41-39. Close unfortunately doesn't get you into the playoffs, but this is preseason and they are still trying to figure out who might make the team on the second string. We've got a shot. Go Bengals!


Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals
By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0
 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], 
via Wikimedia Commons

Sunday, August 10, 2014

The Return of the Football Funnies and the Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback


It's time once again for the Football Funnies, AKA the Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback report. I love doing these because it's fun to misinterpret what's said during the game. I realize this is posting on Sunday, but I'll have a report from the first preseason game for the Browns on Monday. 

I also don't have any leftover quotes from last season because I decided to start fresh this season. So...here we go!

"Sack fumble."
I swear when I heard this, I thought of male genitalia falling on the floor.

"Takes it over the line."
Now, you need to learn about safe words and limits. You really do.

"Did they get the gap right? 
They got the gap right."
How exactly do you get this gap right and where is the gap located?

"Running to the wall for him."
Now that's friendship.

"Leaving him in longer than they wanted to, but it's working."
He's got good hip action. What can I say? :-)

"He had some fumbling issues last year."
Well, we can't all do well the first time around. Some of us need some time to sort ourselves out. He'll be all right.

And now for the doozy of the game. I'd make it the doozy of the week, but there was only one game, so it's the doozy of the game.

"Big guy with good power that cannot be cut off."
Wow. Just wow. I'm...without words.

Stay tuned for the thoughts on the first preseason game for the browns and a new feature, the factoid of the week. 

My hope for this year? The Bengals not only make it into the post season, but they get past the first game and make it to the second game. That's what I'd like to see. Thanks for reading and stay tuned!


Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals
By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0
 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], 
via Wikimedia Commons

Saturday, August 9, 2014

EVERYDAY KINKY CHALLENGE #3


Everyday Kinky. I love this challenge. I get to write something quick and kinky about something rather innocuous. Flowers! Want to read the other kinky stories? Then click here. You should check them out.

Now about my story...

Celebration, Copyright 2014, Wendi Zwaduk

It's been a while since my sweetheart and I got together. Like more than ten years. In all that time, he's told me he loves me. He's even taken me as his sub, but not in public.

That changes today.

I found the crown of flowers on the bed with a note.

"Wear this crown and nothing else, then come down stairs. Today I'm taking you as mine forever in front of our friends."

I shivered and slipped off my dress. Hot damn. My lover, my best friend, my dom wanted me forever. I shimmied out of my skirt, then removed my bra. My nipples hardened and my pussy creamed. I placed the flowers in my hair and left the bedroom. Each step closer to my dom sent a fresh wave of tingles down my spine. He'd already collared me in private, but he'd said he wanted to do something more in public. This was the time for something more.

I kept my gaze low in order to not trip down the stairs. When I reached the ground floor, I noticed the other people through my peripheral vision. My friend Candy and her dom, Neil waited on the left. Daniel's friend Dalton and his sub, Laura, were on the right.

I clasped my hands at the small of my back and dropped to my knees. "Permission to enter?"

"You may enter," Daniel said.

I crept toward him on my knees. When I reached his feet, I curled into a ball and presented my butt to him. I knew what would happen next and couldn't wait for the blissful pain.

"With our friends as witnesses, I take you, Corinne, as my submissive and pet. Do you trust me to protect you, to give you the utmost pleasure, and to be the man you need?"

"I do, sir."

"Do you accept my crop on your ass?" he asked.

I wanted to shout, you know I do, but instead I answered simply. "I do, sir." I braced for the impact. My dom was mine forever.


Tuesday, July 29, 2014

EVERYDAY KINKY CHALLENGE #2! (R-RATED!)


It's everyday kinky time! This is the challenge above. Want to read the other kinky stories? Then click here. 
Now about my part of the challenge.... what to do with this cake?
Grin. Read on and see!

Have Your Cake and Eat It Too, ©Wendi Zwaduk, 2014

It was my birthday. I hate my birthday. I hate the reminder that I'm getting old. My husband? He loves my birthday. He's exactly 9 months and three days younger than me, so yeah, he loves to tease me about getting older. I love him, but sometimes...

He called me and told me he had a surprise waiting for me. I'd assume he'd have a surprise. It was my birthday. He also loves to treat me. What can I say? I've got a great husband.

I drove home in record time. I wanted to know what that surprise was. I walked in the door and looked around. Nothing seemed out of the normal and no one jumped out from behind the furniture to shout surprise. 

"Jack?"

He stepped around the corner. He'd worn the blue shirt I'd bought him for Christmas. I loved the way the soft cotton hugged his muscular frame. He grinned. "Look on the table."

I made my way into the dining room. On the table sat a cake. White frosting, whipped cream piped on top with strawberries and candles. He'd made me a birthday cake. Nice.

"This is nice. I love strawberries."

He handed me a folded up piece of paper, then walked away before I could ask him about the note. He used to send me little notes and leave me pieces of paper when we were first married, but not lately. I opened the blank card.

Chocolate and whipped cream to cool you down, but the wax will definitely heat you up. Meet me in the bedroom. I'll bring the handcuffs. You bring the cake. Let's make this birthday celebration one for the record books. 

My hands shook. We hadn't done any wax play in a while. My skin tingled. I could almost feel the hot liquid running down my back and over my breasts. Hot damn. I picked up the cake. Time to make a night we'd never forget.