Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback ~ Playoffs Edition

Last week and this one have been...tough. A loss to the Steelers, then a brutal loss to the Colts...not good. But the season is over. We had too many players get hurt and it just wasn't meant to be to get past game one of the playoffs. There's always next year. 

So since there are still more playoff games to watch and quotes to gather, here are the honorable Mentions from last week: 

"this is where his legs can hurt you."

What exactly is he doing with them that he can do that? Scissor kicks?

"gonna pull out and trap him."

If you're pulling out, then there's a chance the trap you're trying to set won't work.

"talking about the weapons."

he is hung like a horse.

"professional bump and run specialists."

Good. A professional was needed on that dance floor.

Are you hearing the 'boots and pants' line from the Geico commercial after that last quote? I am. *G* 

Now on to those football funnies of the week.

"They're coming from everywhere."

Kinky and messy...and really impressive on the timing.

"Pocket not clean."

Ew. Just...ew.

"Get some relief from the young receivers."

They last longer anyway.

"One of the great tight end receivers."

Who is offering that relief. Nice.

"Beat down."

The new receiver got the beat down? That's not nice.

"No room in the box."

There is beating down happening. I wouldn't want any in the box.

And now for that Doozy of the Week. I love these. These are so much fun.

"First penetration to get it going."

There's that conga line thing. I guess someone has to start the party. Volunteers?

~

Since you're reading this, I'll bring this up. There's a Bengals player whose daughter was diagnosed with cancer. A portion of his jersey sales are being donated to the Cincinnati Children's Hospital to help with cancer research. It's a great cause. I've ordered mine. Want to know more?

Here's the article link and here's the link to the shop if you're inclined. 

Thank you!

Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals

By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)],

Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback ~ Week Seventeen

Well, the game versus the Broncos was excitedly better than I expected. We won!! We then faced the Steelers and it went all downhill. Oh well. We made it into the post season. Whether we get past game one of the postseason is still up for debate. 

To keep us occupied, here are the honorable Mentions from last week: 

"plays well with his hands."

I would hope so.

"Johnsons all over the field."

Someone should pick up that spill. 

"wide open guy."

And handsome, too. 

"they get the man to man coverage in the back."

Good. I'd hate for someone to be left out.

Do these guys listen to themselves when the do the play by play? I wonder. 

Now on to those football funnies of the week.

"forced it in there."

Kinky.

"kept himself up."

I'm glad he didn't need a fluffer. 

"a stretch play to get the two tight ends out to the right."

Sounds complicated, but I bet it's fun.

"Just enough separation to squeeze him out."

Hope it wasn't messy.

"You're gonna be my man."

Declarations of possession are sexy. 

"has to establish something with someone else."

But you just said he was your man. Pout.

And now for that Doozy of the Week. I love these. These are so much fun.  

"Gonna get beat on the little skinny pole"

Hee hee. Some have to be skinny. They can't all be thick. Hope he was long, though. Skinny and short...that just won't do.

~

Since you're reading this, I'll bring this up. There's a Bengals player whose daughter was diagnosed with cancer. A portion of his jersey sales are being donated to the Cincinnati Children's Hospital to help with cancer research. It's a great cause. I've ordered mine. Want to know more?

Here's the article link and here's the link to the shop if you're inclined. 

Thank you!

Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals

By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)],

Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback ~ Week Sixteen

We haven't played yet and we're up against the Broncos tonight. Unless there's a miracle, like Manning doesn't play and Good Andy shows up, we might be in trouble. Here's to a miracle!!

To keep us occupied, here are the honorable Mentions from last week: 

"the most explosive player."

He's spouting everywhere.

"they're hoping he can turn into that dominant."

Well, yes. They do pay him well. 

"He's so big and strong."

And handsome. 

"head strain."

After being big and strong, he probably does have a head strain.

Jeepers. Hitting, tackling...and no one got hurt except the guy with the marks. Interesting. 

Now on to those football funnies of the week.

"Took a really big blow."

Kinky.

"They were ready for it that time."

They should've been. 

"Don't give them an easy completion."

Making it hard was so much more fun.

"Look how deep everyone is."

In what? A conga line of sex?

"Three great receivers."

They'd be the ones getting it deep, then. 

"He sold it deep."

Well, he should. He's part of that line.

And now for that Doozy of the Week. I love these. These are so much fun.  

"Let the big man up front take control."

It's a talent.  He's first in line, so he should get to be in control. Someone's gotta know what's going on!

~

Since you're reading this, I'll bring this up. There's a Bengals player whose daughter was diagnosed with cancer. A portion of his jersey sales are being donated to the Cincinnati Children's Hospital to help with cancer research. It's a great cause. I've ordered mine. Want to know more?

Here's the article link and here's the link to the shop if you're inclined. 

Thank you!

Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals

By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)],

Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback ~ Week Fifteen

This wasn't just a win, it was a blowout. I have a soft spot in my heart for the Browns, but that was terrible. Still, we're in the lead in the division. Can't complain about that. There is always next week and the potential to fall. Let's not think about that. :-)

To keep us occupied, here are the honorable Mentions from last week: 

"This is gonna leave marks."

He did a face plant. I would expect it to.

"One tackle--see what you can hit."

The person being tackled, I would assume. 

"Those big guys up front absorb a lot of blockers."

They should. They're up front. 

"Nice move to get out of it."

He appreciates your sentiment.

Jeepers. Hitting, tackling...and no one got hurt except the guy with the marks. Interesting. 

Now on to those football funnies of the week.

"Hard to outrun."

Maybe he doesn't want to.

"He's got room if he wants to take it."

Good. He's been waiting on that room. 

"Punctures right through the middle."

Probably better than going askew and hurting something.

"Completely turned him loose."

He's the man about town and on the prowl!

"Quick little hitter in the middle."

That's because he got punctured. You'd hit, too, if you were punctured. 

"Wrapped up."

In what? Tape? Rope? Pictures, please!

And now for that Doozy of the Week. I love these. These are so much fun.  

"He rubs people the wrong way."

It's a talent.  

~

Since you're reading this, I'll bring this up. There's a Bengals player whose daughter was diagnosed with cancer. A portion of his jersey sales are being donated to the Cincinnati Children's Hospital to help with cancer research. It's a great cause. I've ordered mine. Want to know more?

Here's the article link and here's the link to the shop if you're inclined. 

Thank you!

Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals

By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)],

Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback ~ Week Thirteen

Holy freaking crap. How close was that? Down to the wire. I wasn't even sure they'd pull it off. The Bengals win. Woo hoo!!!!

Here's to a great week next week and to staying on top of the division! 

Until then...here are the honorable Mentions from last week: 

"with the extension, they have an advantage."

I'd hope so. Length can matter.

"shovel pass."

Um...what are you going to do with that?

"Missed wide left."

And hit the one who wanted to be covered.

"Going back to the yard."

Aw... sounds like he got taken out.

Lots of extensions and missing and passing. Interesting. 

Now on to those football funnies of the week.

"Will take it out."

Of where? Is that safe? Ethical?

"Quick drop."

Um...not sure how this one works. Sounds gross. 

"Touches him up front."

He liked it and appreciated the gesture.

"Grabbed a handful."

Since he just touched him up front, I'd hope he grabbed a handful. Has to make this fun for everyone.

"That's a hold."

Bravo.

"Big receiver; lots of experience."

There's grabbing and touching and holding. I'd hope there is lot of experience involved.

And now for that Doozy of the Week. I love these. These are so much fun.  

"I love big, physical guys."

Yes, the gun show is nice to look at and good for being picked up. I have to agree here. 

~

Since you're reading this, I'll bring this up. There's a Bengals player whose daughter was diagnosed with cancer. A portion of his jersey sales are being donated to the Cincinnati Children's Hospital to help with cancer research. It's a great cause. I've ordered mine. Want to know more?

Here's the article link and here's the link to the shop if you're inclined. 

Thank you!

Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals

By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], 

via Wikimedia Commons

Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback ~ Week Eight (Late...)

Ever have one of those weeks where nothing seems to go the way you planned? It's not bad, but it's...frustrating. I'm there. It's getting better, though. 

The Bengals won, so I cannot complain. :-)

Here are the Honorable Mentions from last week: 

"a huge lift."

It's that big he needs it lifted?

"take it deep in the hole and cut."

Ouch. I'm sorry. What are we cutting?

"banged out of bounds."

Interesting. This needs pictures.

"big hole exploited."

By? This needs clarification.

"If you gave me ten shots at that, I would've caught it."

Confidence is a good thing.

Can't knock confidence. Now on to those football funnies of the week.

"tight game."

He's hot. He's got game. 

"Got his hand on it."

Better his dick, but a hand is good.

"Has to stay inside"

Pregnancy plan?

"Second time it's blown up in these two tight ends."

Wow. Okay...wonder what that looks like? Something that lights up?

"Getting after those tight ends"

Someone has to do it.

"Proven he can be dominant in his time."

And his sub appreciates it.

And now for that Doozy of the Week. I love these. These are so much fun.  

"Ripping across those tight ends."

He must be the one who gets to break in the tight ends.

~

Since you're reading this, I'll bring this up. There's a Bengals player whose daughter was diagnosed with cancer. A portion of his jersey sales are being donated to the Cincinnati Children's Hospital to help with cancer research. It's a great cause. I've ordered mine. Want to know more?

Here's the article link and here's the link to the shop if you're inclined. 

Thank you!

Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals

By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], 

via Wikimedia Commons

Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback - Week Seven - On Time!

So we're up to the actual week. It wasn't good this time around. Pretty sad, really. But I'm not giving up. Still second in the division. Let's hope it stays that way. It's time to get back up to speed. Honorable mentions and more!

Here are the Honorable Mentions from last week: 

"knocked down on the release."

I'd assume. He had a big release!

"coming right up the gut."

ouch. full contact sex. interesting.

"JJ Watt is very hot."

Duh!

"he has to stay deep."

deep penetration is much better than shallow. Or at least that's what he says.

"Just leaked in."

Messy.

Messy can be fun. Now on to those football funnies of the week.

"sack of the week."

Snort. Guess they all go on a board so they can be voted on.

Also

Sounds like a nutsack showcase!

"getting off the ball."

i'd say getting off the dick is better, but whatever works.

"explosive player"

Getting aroused will do that. He likes to show off.

"inside there, this quick and with long with tall arms...they're gonna butt you with a squint."

That's such a mouthful I'm not even sure what he meant, but the guy has got to look odd!

"deep ball play"

Guys do like that.

"heavy ball coverage."

Must be a thick rubber that goes all over everywhere or some exceptional ball skills.

And now for that Doozy of the Week. I love these. These are so much fun.  

"last year he played in the slot."

are you saying he switched sides? or he's got a new preference? Just making sure we're clear.

~

Since you're reading this, I'll bring this up. There's a Bengals player whose daughter was diagnosed with cancer. A portion of his jersey sales are being donated to the Cincinnati Children's Hospital to help with cancer research. It's a great cause. I've ordered mine. Want to know more?

Here's the article link and here's the link to the shop if you're inclined. 

Thank you!

Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals

By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], 

via Wikimedia Commons

Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback ~ Week Four

Bye weeks are a blessing and a curse. A blessing because the team gets extra rest and will be ready for the next game. A curse because then I don't have my favorite team to watch. But that doesn't mean the rest of the teams weren't giving me fodder for the blog. Oh, they were. They were.

Here are the Honorable Mentions from last week: 

"Not many who can match up with that guy."

I'd imagine not. He's huge!

"Even if your tool is a little dull, you've still got to use it."

Um...okay. A shower might help. Or maybe even just play with it a little to get it warmed up.

"Let's take a look at the slot."

Calling all inspectors!

"Stab it in there."

He's forceful and knows what he wants. Nice.

"Quick release."

Messy.

Messy can be fun. Now on to those football funnies of the week.

"He's got the big time arm to go deep."

And where is he going to go with that arm?

"Can't get them a couple inches."

Yeah, once they're built, they won't get any bigger.

"Able to extend himself."

Getting aroused will do that.

"Can fully extend."

Well, that's great!

"They like to go long, don't they?"

Going long is good.

"Multiple tight ends in tight."

Sounds like a line up for the hot time tonight.

And now for that Doozy of the Week. I love these. These are so much fun.  

"Hits the big, deep ball."

With? Just making sure we're clear. And include pictures.

FACTOID: 

After 1966 and until 1974, the uprights of the goal posts were only 20 feet above the crossbar. Doesn't sound like a lot. Well, it wasn't. The uprights have been raised since then. 

~

Since you're reading this, I'll bring this up. There's a Bengals player whose daughter was diagnosed with cancer. A portion of his jersey sales are being donated to the Cincinnati Children's Hospital to help with cancer research. It's a great cause. I've ordered mine. Want to know more?

Here's the article link and here's the link to the shop if you're inclined. 

Thank you!

Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals

By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], 

via Wikimedia Commons

Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback - Week Three

It's time for the funny quotes of the week. It's been a nail-biter week and I need some funny stuff. Here are the Honorable Mentions. 

"Snap came back a little firm."

Yeah, but they like a firm snap. Feels good.

"tremendous effort to get penetration."

If you have to work that hard, then you really must want it. 

"tremendous deep threat."

Lots of tremendous. Hee hee.

Did you at least CAST this thing? I want to see it and possibly honor it for posterity.

"works the line."

Well, yes. Sounds like a lot of fun.

I'm watching now my third football game of the day. Yep. Third. I do need more than one game to find the quotes to bring to you. Since we just had fun with the Honorable Mentions, here are the Quotes of the Week!

"Three wide receivers set."

They have a plan. Nice!

"Gonna be all over the formation."

The receivers are set and now they've got a formation. This is planning. :-)

"The extended guy in the formation."

Now an extended guy...very nice. This has got to be a set list for the show. Gotta be. 

"exposes that fifth or sixth guy."

For what reason? Was he bad? Punishment? Fetish? Details, please.

"a 60 man guy."

Hot damn. He gets around. Bet he's been rode very hard and put away wet a lot.

"drop right on the top."

A puppy pile! Fun!

"If the guy knifes inside, don't let him get away."

Yeah, because knifing inside must really hurt.

And now for that Doozy of the Week: 

"He'd fill that big gap with something open."

Now, now. Be nice. Don't just call her something open. Dignity. We work with dignity here.

FACTOID!

No crown of the helmet hits!

If you do, you get into a lot of trouble. Flags all over the place. Plus it's not good for either player. Someone will get hurt.

The Bengals won 33-7 over the Titans. I'm thrilled. 3-0 for the season, so far. Not too shabby. I'm loving doing these quotes and hope you are loving reading them. 

'Til next week....Gooooooo Bengals!!!!

Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals

By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], 

via Wikimedia Commons

Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback - Week Two

It's week two already. Whew! The games this week have had some great moments, some messy ones and some great quotes!!! Absolutely. But before we get to this week's quotes, let's get to the Honorable Mentions!

"Nice slant."

When she bends over like that, it is a nice view.

"Stunt inside here."

Is this a nickname?

"Both going down on the same play."

Sounds like play by play for dating.

"A nice pair to draw to."

Someone's talking about a lady's chest. Or a guy's balls.

"Incredibly mobile."

She does get around.

Snicker. I've gotten a little dirtier this time around, but to be fair...they were dirty this week, too. Here are the quotes of the week!

"One guy trying to get him just doesn't work."

Yes, he gets into multiples.

"Come around and come around."

Okay, we got the point...twice.

"Riding it out."

And she loved every minute of it.

"Pretty much straight up."

Now we're discussing positions.

"Isn't it nice to have a tight end like that?"

Yes, it is.

"A little looper."

Um...what did he DO with it?

"Dumped it right in behind him."

Snort. Pictures please?

And now for the Doozy of the Week...Yeah, they went there.

"These guys are brilliant pros."

Well, I'd certainly hope so. That's what they get paid the big bucks for. 

My Bengals won 24-10 against the Falcons. It was a hard-fought battle with a few injuries, but a win is a win. 2 and 0 looks pretty darn good.

Thanks for reading and stay turned for next week's quotes. :-)

Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals

By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], 

via Wikimedia Commons

Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback ~ Week One!

I kinda goofed up and thought preseason had one more week, but I was mistaken. The last of the preseason games came and went. This week marks the first week of the regular season, so now it gets important. The quotes also get even funnier. Grin.

Here are the Honorable Mentions from the last of the preseason games:

"Great ball handling."

And we can tell he loves that ball handling.

"Good synchronization."

All the tally whackers in a row at the same time!

"Been all rams in this game."

Head-butting has come into the picture...interesting.

"Can step up and just drill it."

As long as someone likes it, then it's all good. 

And now for those quotes of the week. Some of these are real rib-ticklers!

"A little explosion on the outside."

That means he came early and made a mess.

"Comes underneath."

Well, maybe it was easier to clean up...

"Nice to have a bigger back end in there."

Yes, smaller sometimes just doesn't do.

"Gotta hang in there and get it off."

Sometimes it takes a little longer to get it off. I tell you, it's worth the wait. 

"He is thick and strong."

Wow. Dog gone! Pictures, please?

"Big stud back."

Again, I say wow. I want to see this one!

It's time for the Doozy of the Week. I couldn't believe this one when I heard it and had to rewind about five times. Yep, I did.

"Big, gaping hole up the middle."

On the outset, it's not bad. There was a place up the middle of the field to run and gain yardage. In my slightly off-kilter mind, it was really pervy. I imagined this big hole charging up the middle and the players shouting, come back here hole! Come back!

New this week!!

The Factoid of the Week:

Ralph Wilson, co-founder of the NFL (National Football League) and the Buffalo Bills passed away in 2013.

1918-2013

The Bengals won this week, 23-16 and that's not shabby. Against the Ravens, too, which means a boost in the division. We've got a good chance this year, but we can't get too cocky. Goooooooo Bengals!!

Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals

By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], 

via Wikimedia Commons

Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback - Preseason, Week Three

This week has been hard for Cleveland area teams. First, the Gladiators, the arena football team, blew the Arena Football version of the Super Bowl...in Cleveland. The Browns showed why they've been nicknamed the Clowns in the past. Sigh. At least the Indians won their games.

But this is about football. Grin. The Bengals aren't playing until the late game, so as of this posting I don't know the score. I'm watching, but I don't know the end score. 

While I'm watching, I'll present the Honorable Mentions.

"Some penetration into the back end."

Code phrase for anal sex.

"Delivers the blow."

That's the one on his or her knees.

"big back bangs it inside the twenty."

Now we're talking about a gangbang.

"Went right to his partner for Thanksgiving day."

That's sweet. 

Now, it's time for the funnies. I love these. 

"Forced it up into triple coverage."

A fourway! Nice!

"A nice hole up the middle."

Usually the hole is good in the middle.

"he does it as well as I've seen from anyone else."

Now we're critiquing the players. Nice.

"Whole host of new receivers this year."

Sounds like the starting line up for porn.

"Gets some sort of chemistry going."

Awww. Another sweet one.

"Gang tackled and thrown to the ground."

He probably liked it. Kink can be good.

Now for that Doozy of the Week...

"Lays down the wood there."

Either he's taking his dick out or he's playing with a toy. Can we watch?

Thanks for reading the Football Funnies for the week. 

On a sad note, this is the last set of games before the cuts to the roster. Some will persevere, but others will be cut. I'm sorry to see you go, but I'm glad to watch you play. 

Come on, Cincy! Let's win ONE preseason game and spank that season so we can get into the post season and win one there, too!!

Andy Dalton, #14, Quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals

By Melissa Batson (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0

 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], 

via Wikimedia Commons