Monday Moans

Ever have to admit your deepest fears? I mean, admit to the one thing that will knock you down and it may not be possible to get back up?

I was listening to the radio and "Learning How to Bend" came on. Naturally, I had to crank it up. I'm a man's man, but I do have a softer side. And really, the song is more about working with your partner rather than against. I then found the Gary Allan cd I love and blasted "Just Got Back from Hell". Made me feel a little better.

Oh, you're probably wondering who I am. Sorry. Deputy Marlon Cross. I work at the Jarvis County Sheriff's department in Ohio. I love my job and a certain woman.

But back to my fear. I love being a cop. It's in my blood. It's who I am. I can't begin to imagine not being on the beat, not keeping people safe, and not serving and protecting. But Wendi asked me a ton of questions (aggravating if you ask me), but she asked me a ton of questions and one of them had to do with my greatest accomplishments. Duh, being on the force. I am a cop. That was an easy question. Then she wanted to know about my greatest disappointment and my worst fear. Well, those were harder.

I don't like to admit I'm scared. Imagine being in a situation where a suspect has a gun drawn. You can't show fear. Not at all. So do I have moments when I'm scared? Yes. I won't go into the moment of fear and disappointment, but I came damned close to losing my job. I've said, I'm defined by my job. When things happened that put it in jeopardy, fuck yeah, I was scared. What would I do with myself? Being a bouncer is fun for a month or two, but not long term.

I'd be totally lost.

(*Sigh*)

I'm going to take off for now. I'm not really feeling too talkative all the sudden. I'm sorry this was a downer post. I'll call Logan or maybe Ryan to come over and chatter. They know how to work a room.

Later.

Wendi told me to put this on at the end:
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