Ever have to admit your deepest fears? I mean, admit to the one thing that will knock you down and it may not be possible to get back up?
I was listening to the radio and "Learning How to Bend" came on. Naturally, I had to crank it up. I'm a man's man, but I do have a softer side. And really, the song is more about working with your partner rather than against. I then found the Gary Allan cd I love and blasted "Just Got Back from Hell". Made me feel a little better.
Oh, you're probably wondering who I am. Sorry. Deputy Marlon Cross. I work at the Jarvis County Sheriff's department in Ohio. I love my job and a certain woman.
But back to my fear. I love being a cop. It's in my blood. It's who I am. I can't begin to imagine not being on the beat, not keeping people safe, and not serving and protecting. But Wendi asked me a ton of questions (aggravating if you ask me), but she asked me a ton of questions and one of them had to do with my greatest accomplishments. Duh, being on the force. I am a cop. That was an easy question. Then she wanted to know about my greatest disappointment and my worst fear. Well, those were harder.
I don't like to admit I'm scared. Imagine being in a situation where a suspect has a gun drawn. You can't show fear. Not at all. So do I have moments when I'm scared? Yes. I won't go into the moment of fear and disappointment, but I came damned close to losing my job. I've said, I'm defined by my job. When things happened that put it in jeopardy, fuck yeah, I was scared. What would I do with myself? Being a bouncer is fun for a month or two, but not long term.
I'd be totally lost.
I'm going to take off for now. I'm not really feeling too talkative all the sudden. I'm sorry this was a downer post. I'll call Logan or maybe Ryan to come over and chatter. They know how to work a room.